I have the honor of welcoming back Dr. Stephanie Lopez, former NASA psychologist to the Food Freedom Society Podcast. We are unpacking the emotional root causes of binge eating, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and control. If you’ve ever felt like you’re spiraling from “just one cookie,” or that you constantly need to have everything figured out, this episode will speak directly to your soul.

Dr. Steph shares how trying to control everything in life (including food) is often a protective mechanism rooted in anxiety, fear, and insecurity. We are exploring how intrusive thoughts, mom guilt and the all or nothing mentality show up in our daily life – and talk about how to break free. 

🔑 What You’ll Learn:

• The hidden payoffs of self-sabotage (yes, they exist!)
• Why perfectionism and people-pleasing are just masks for deeper fears
• The emotional roots of control and how to start releasing it
• The three core insecurities that fuel all-or-nothing thinking

If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just get it together?”—you’re in good company. In fact, you might be part of the “smile on the outside, meltdown on the inside” club. (Membership perks include anxiety spirals, people-pleasing habits, and a deep familiarity with Oreos.)

In this Food Freedom Society conversation, I sat down again with Dr. Stephanie Lopez—former NASA psychologist (yes, rocket-science smart) and founder of the BRAVE Method—to talk about what really drives binge eating, perfectionism, and that all-or-nothing mindset so many of us secretly struggle with.

When “Control” is Just Code for Anxiety

Dr. Steph put it perfectly: so many women wear “control freak” like a badge of honor—I plan everything! I make it all work! I’m a strong woman! But underneath? It’s often fear:

• Fear of uncertainty.
• Fear of not being able to cope.
• Fear of not being good enough.

The irony? The harder you try to control, the more things slip through your fingers (kind of like sand… or the last cookie in the sleeve).

The Binge = Protection, Not Failure

Here’s a truth bomb: binge eating isn’t about weakness or lack of willpower. It’s self-protection.

Feeling anxious? Instead of sitting with it, you eat. Because if your brain can freak out about the cookies, it doesn’t have to deal with the scarier stuff underneath.

As Dr. Steph explained, binging numbs emotions, keeps you from feeling “too much,” and—bonus—gives your brain a distraction. Unfortunately, it also traps you in a cycle of shame, which… yep, leads right back to the pantry.

The All-or-Nothing Spiral (and Why It’s Really Just Defensiveness in Disguise)

That “I had one cookie so now I might as well eat the whole box” mentality? It’s not about willpower. It’s about defensiveness.

We’re not defending ourselves from other people—we’re defending against our own insecurities. Feelings of being insignificant, incompetent, or unlikable. Ouch.

But here’s the kicker: when you stop running from those feelings and actually let yourself feel them? They lose their power. Awareness is step one. Awareness without judgment is step two.

Self-Acceptance is the Antidote

Self-acceptance doesn’t mean shrugging and saying, “Oh well, I binge, guess that’s me forever.” It means being okay with all of you—the good, the messy, and yes, the mistakes.

Dr. Steph shared one game-changing shift: start giving yourself credit for tiny awarenesses. Not for stopping the binge, but for noticing why it happened. Every time you acknowledge progress, your brain goes, “Oh, this matters to her. Let’s do more of that.”

The Hidden Payoffs (Yes, Even for the Behaviors You Hate)

Here’s the plot twist that makes everyone’s brain explode: every “bad” habit has a hidden payoff.

• Bingeing? Lets you avoid hard emotions.
• People-pleasing? Keeps you feeling “liked.”
• Mom guilt? Weirdly makes you feel like a “good mom.”

Once you identify the payoff, you can unlink it. Because spoiler: you can be liked, loved, and a good mom without clinging to the old habits that hurt you.

The Bottom Line

You don’t have to be perfect, in control, or smiling through your meltdowns to be worthy. You’re already worthy. Full stop.

When you start accepting yourself—the anxious parts, the tired parts, the hungry-for-Oreos-at-midnight parts—you create space for real change. Not because you “forced” it, but because you chose it.

And as Dr. Steph said, that’s the real power: choice.

Follow me for daily tips on Instagram! @kellylyonscoaching

Are you ready to stop overeating and finally be in control around food? Watch my FREE training How to Stop Binge Eating (Without Cutting Out Your Favorite Foods) to learn how it’s possible!